January 17, 2006

A Few Headlines from The Onion

I subscribe to The Onion’s RSS Feeds. They have some severely funny articles, which I usually don’t have time to read. But all is not lost. Just reading the titles of their articles provides just the humor jolt I need to propel me to my next task. Here are a few of The Onion’s headlines that I’ve seen recently:

• ESPN Courts Female Viewers With World’s Emotionally Strongest Man Competition

• Dental Hygienist Sick Of Being Lied To

• New York Jets Finish Season

• Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

• Marital Frustrations Channeled Through Thermostat

• Plan To Straighten Out Entire Life During Weeklong Vacation Yields Mixed Results

• Guy Who Just Wiped Out Immediately Claims He’s Fine

• Swiss Threaten Ricola Embargo

• Man From Canada Acts Like He’s Not Cold

• Losing Super Bowl Team Gets Locker-Room Condolence Call From John Kerry

• NASA Announces Future Shuttle Launches Will Be Sudden And Without Warning

• Bob Knight Tells Reporters He Wants You Dead

• Santa Signs Legislation To Help Special-Wants Children

• New Video Game Designed To Have No Influence On Kids’ Behavior

• Activist Judge Cancels Christmas

• Nation’s Cowboys Fans Deeply Nostalgic Following Michael Irvin’s Latest Drug-Related Arrest

• Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan

• Terrorist Has No Idea What To Do With All This Plutonium

• Alcoholic Kindergarten Teacher Stretches Naptime To Three Hours

You get the idea. Carry on with your normal life.

Note: Some of the content on The Onion is objectionable, so be smart about what you read online.