August 7, 2006

A Tender Heart

Caleb is blessed to have five close friends that he has been with since birth. We are with one of these five friends at least three times a week, and we all play together every Wednesday.

Andy thought it would be a good idea to start associating church with a place to make new friends so that Caleb would look forward to church every week. So far it really hasn’t worked, but that doesn’t keep Andy from trying. These are the typical sayings Andy uses every week to encourage Caleb to make friends:
“If you see a boy playing alone why don’t you go up and play with him.”
“What were your friends names that you played with today?”
“Why don’t you go tell the boy crying that it’ll be Ok and his parents will be back soon”.

Well this week Andy’s involvement backfired. Caleb was playing happily at a table with others when we came to pick him up. Caleb was thrilled to see us and ran over ready to go. Then Andy said, “Did you say good bye to your friends?” Caleb thought for a minute, and I knew he thought about how he says bye to his close friends. He always hugs his close friends bye without any prompting.

I knew this wasn’t going to be good.

Caleb went to the closest boy to the door and said bye. The boy ignored him, so Caleb got closer and said bye again. Still no response, but Caleb is more determined than ever. Caleb stretches out his arms and moves in for a hug while shouting bye this time. The boy thinks he is being attacked and pushes Caleb down into the wall. Caleb is devastated. He immediately starting turning red and then the tears started falling. He was crushed.

We scooped him up and comforted him, but Caleb wanted to know why the boy pushed him down when Caleb was just trying to be nice.

Our new plan for church is to let Caleb branch out as he feels comfortable in his class. I know what it’s like to be shy so I don’t believe in forcing friendship, but we will encourage him gently. I think all of the kids in the elephant room are safe now because Caleb will not try to give out any more hugs! Unfortunately he learned his lesson the hard way