January 6, 2010

On Marriage

Most people I know are married, but it’s hard to really know if they’re satisfied with their relationship or if they’re faking it really well. Do you know what I mean? In public they can put on a good face, but behind closed doors I wonder if they’re really at each other’s throat, if they’re barely surviving.

I am married to an amazing and beautiful woman. I was 22, and Tiffany was 21 when exchanged vows. Like most young couples, we were very idealistic. We went to pre-marital counseling although we were certain we didn’t need it. When we spoke to older friends and family, we could hear the unspoken cynicism in the voices: “Oh just wait,” they seemed to say, “You’re still newlyweds. Things will change.” But we were sure, we’d never fall out of love.

But one night several years later, while in bed staring at the ceiling, one of us said, “How’d we end up like this? This is not what we expected.” Neither of us wanted to continue in a marriage like this. We knew we wouldn’t divorce, but I knew that if there was an easy way out, one of us probably would have bailed. We drove each other crazy.

So we made some changes.

Now we are eleven years into our marriage, and we’ve fallen in love again. That’s not to say that every day is like our honeymoon or that we don’t get on each other’s nerves sometimes. We’ve got kids, and we have more stress, for sure. But, we’ve learned to rise above that and be flexible. We each gave up some selfish ways. I’ve learned to focus on serving her even when I think it’s my turn to be served. I’m learning to allow Christ to love Tiffany through me, even when I don’t feel like it. And guess what? The feelings seem to always follow my actions. When I act lovingly toward her, I feel more love toward her.

I’ve said enough. I’ve said enough. Bill and Anabel Gillham have been married for nearly 60 years, so I’d rather here what they have to say. We’re starting a new podcast at Lifetime Guarantee Ministries called “Defusing the Self-Destruct Marriage. ” It’s going to be good. You can subscribe to the podcast here.

What changes could you make in your marriage? Not what changes should your spouse make, but what changes should you make?